Wasting my "Season" by Waiting for Changes

I'm reading So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore. I have never thought of myself as being insecure; as a matter of fact, I have always prided myself in my security, boldness, abilities.  Maybe that is where the problem started -- pride.  In the past, I have been very judgmental, self-righteous, stubborn, and at times, hateful.  I have been very quick deciding why other people were in the positions they were, what actions those people should have taken, and where the blame should be placed.  Now, I find myself in the "other people's" shoes. Other people are judging why I am in the place I am, what I should have done to prevent it, what I should do now, etc.  Do they know me? NO.  Do they know the circumstances? NO.  Did I when I was doing the very same thing? NO.  Have I learned from this? YES-- absolutely, Yes, and again, I say, YES.  

So I'm reading Beth's book [and, yes, she is quickly becoming a first-name friend] on insecurity.  And I found out who DOES know all about me and my situation and my feelings and my hurt.  She writes, "God knows exactly what happened and what a toll it took.  He knows the number it played on your [my] mind.  Let Him bring you peace.  Let Him tell you you're worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for...."  I'm not sure I believe that last statement yet; I'm not sure I AM worth wanting or loving, but I'm working on it.

The title of this particular post is "Wasting my 'Season' by Waiting for Changes" -- Ms. Moore tells me that God uses change to change us; he uses change to "coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, or destiny."  I'm working on moving to the next level; I'm working on not being sad all of the time.  I am trying not to waste this season of my life by waiting for things to change.  I am in the midst of being a catalyst to that change by trying to be content, to be happy again, and to be loving and understanding of those who are going through changes in their lives.

I feel that this post has been a rambling, disconnected piece of writing.  Yet, it is what I feel.